I Break Like the What?

I can't say for certain, but I think this might be the first song anyone ever dedicated to me. Unfortunately, I'm equally uncertain as to whether or not he's making fun of me.

Thanks, Mike.

Holy Crap, I Can't Believe This Exists

Chocolatey goodness AND fat-free?!
And a serving is TWO bars?!

I'm freaking out!

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 2 bars (101g)
Servings Per Container 6
Amount Per Serving Calories 70 Calories from Fat 0 % Daily Values** Total Fat 0.5g 1% Saturated Fat 0g 0% Trans Fat 0g Cholesterol less than 0mg 0% Sodium 90mg 4% Potassium 210mg 6% Total Carbohydrate 17g 6% Dietary Fiber 6g 24% Sugars 7g Sorbitol 2g Protein 4g 8%

What Happens in 1990...

...should not be brought up as a way to look hip and with-it to your students.
My friend Jessica recently posted a horrific tale of encountering a person born in 1990. Methinks the only thing more horrifying than Jessica's tale might be having to teach a lesson about popular music to a room full of people born between 1987-1990 -- which is what I did every night this week.

*crickets chirping*

To say I felt old is an understatement. At one point, I mentioned that a group came on the scene in 1997 and one of them said, "Wow, that's like ancient history." To my face!!!

The was one brief, shining moment when one especially baby-faced one responded to Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince's Summertime with "That's like what I do back home." If he was mocking me, I wasn't willing to see it.

Which brings me to the...

You Had to Be There (And Not Embryonic) Playlist

Poison
Bell Biv Devoe

Funky Enough
The D.O.C.

Freaks of the Industry
Digital Underground

Feels Good
Tony Toni Tone

Turn This Mutha Out
MC Hammer

Joy & Pain
Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock

Gyrlz They Love Me
Heavy D and the Boyz

Me, Myself, and I
De La Soul

Thieves in the Temple
Prince

Miss You Much
Janet Jackson

Hold On
En Vogue

Giving You the Benefit
Pebbles

For the record, I'm not saying all this stuff is any good, but sometimes you just need to take a quenching drink of "I like being my age."

Oh Chris Isaak, Say It Ain't So

If you didn't already know, I love Chris Isaak. I mean really, I LUUUUV him. He usually sticks to the west coast for tours, so how happy was I when I learned that he will be in Chicago next week? At first, ecstatic.

Then I investigated.

He'll be giving a free concert (WOOT!) at the grand opening of a shopping mall. (WHAT?!) You read that correctly. My Chris Isaak is channeling the New Kids and Tiffany and hitting the shopping mall circuit. (Is this a step up or down from the casino he played here in Iowa last summer?) As if that weren't bad enough, the press release reads like something off The Simpsons. Read these money quotes with Kent Brockman's voice in mind:

Platinum record artist Chris Isaak is set to highlight the grand opening celebration at The Arboretum of South
Barrington later this month.

The free concert takes place at 7 p.m. Sept. 27 on the plaza stage at the new 600,000 square-foot outdoor shopping center near routes 59 and 72.

Guests are encouraged to bring a lawn chair.

"We want to properly introduce the project as one of the most important new retail developments in the Chicago area in terms of scale, retail offerings and ambience," Jaffe said. [emphasis mine]

-insert snarky Kent Brockman comment here re: Chris Isaak doing a bad, bad thing-

Three things:
1. If you didn't already know this about me, I'm kind of a liberal, anti-sprawl, anti-consumerism, if-you-don't-keep-your-wits-about-you-suburbia-will-kill-your-soul type.
2. I try to live deliberately: sticking to my principles, shopping locally, using public transportation or my bike.
3. You bet your ass I'm going!

*sigh*

4. I live a life of hypocrisy contradiction.

Girl, Why You Trippin'?

Here's footage of my Ironman finish -- and they even got the part where I almost fall on my face. AWESOME!

Also, I love how the music and editing make it seem like all of us were out there for some kind of leisurely fun ride -- or out chasing Duke Boys.

70.3 Despite My Ovaries' Best Efforts (Again)

As I mentioned with my last race report, I am trying a "highlights-only" version of ye olde race report as I have neither the time nor the patience to recount all the minutiae. I figure I've got about five worthwhile things to say about any race, so here it is: the inaugural Five Spot Race Report (it's like a threat down, only race-related).

Five Spot: Pigman Half-Iron Triathlon

1. Play of the Week: MY FIRST SHERPA!

On Friday, Veg*Triathlete Jen called me up and offered to sherpa for me today. "You got it!" I said, even though I wasn't really sure what it meant. Turns out, it means letting the racer blast Britney Spears (playlist forthcoming) and talk a mile a minute at 5am while she burns off nervous energy, and then, when aforementioned racer has a disastrous run, still meets her a mile from the finish to tell her she's her hero and bouys her spirits enough to get her to run the last 100yds to the finish.


2. Inner Swim Kicker (46:19)
With the breeze, I got a taste (I think) of what it might be like to swim upriver for Iron Louie. A little disconcerting; a little sputtering. Hmph. Good thing I get to go with the current after about .8 mile of that. Other than that, not too shabby for swimming a squirrely line and getting swam over for the first time (that didn't even happen at IMAZ!). And, according to Jen, there were plenty of people behind me.


3. Inner Bike Kicker (3:52; avg 14.7 mph)
I was *hoping* for a 4-hour ride. Then there were hills. And a slight headwind. So this really was out-friggin'-standing. That, and the part where I sang My Prerogative OUT LOUD, alternating with "Who rocks the mic? Krissy rocks the mic. And when Krissy rocks the mic, she rocks it all the way down" for the first 30 miles. Oh yeah, I spent my formative years at cheer camp.

4. Inner Run Kicker (3:32 -- walking 16:11/mile)
Oy. A fatal error in T2 meant that not only would I not finish under 7:30 (which was my goal), the potential 7:00-7:15 finish I had set up on the swim and bike also evaporated. Thanks, ovaries. (But also thanks for doing this today and not at Iron Louie.) Let's just say that I forgot to pause for bladder/ovary maintenance before I left T2. Also, the cramps started at Mile 2. And the only portajohn on the course was at Mile 4, which didn't matter anyway, because I didn't procure a tampon until the turnaround. Then another 2.5 miles back to the portapotty. I don't know if you've ever tried to run while cramping and having to pee, but it's pretty much impossible. And this is how I learned that (1) these shoes weren't made for walking (two huge blisters) and (2) my running muscles are definitely MUCH better trained than my walking muscles.


5. What Made Me a Gutsy Broad Today
You know what takes guts? Insisting on walking all the way to the finish even when the sweep vehicle (AKA DFL-Wagon) pulls up behind you at Mile 4 of a half-marathon. Had this exact thing with my ovaries not stopped me from finishing Buffalo Springs 70.3 in 2006, I might have thought seriously about getting in that car and calling it a day.

But I had a bone to pick with both the distance and my ovaries. TAKE THAT BIATCHES!

P.S. So...doubling this distance in two weeks? It's a little unsettling, to put it mildly.

Neither New nor Kids...Discuss

Oh. My. Gawd.

I just heard the new NKOTB song "Summertime" on the radio this afternoon, and I am so underwhelmed I almost have nothing to say.

Almost.

I will admit, I expected/hoped their new stuff would be deliciously bad on the order of Britney (expected) or even the soundtrack to Grease 2 (hoped). But it's bland in a way that even Miley Cyrus cannot match. And there's something especially ookie about listening to a bunch of guys approaching 40 singing a song that includes a lyric about getting a girl's number and being warned not to call after 10.

According to The Toronto Star here's what they've been up to in the hiatus:
"Since disbanding in 1994, members Jordan Knight, Joey McIntyre and Danny Wood each released solo albums [Danny released a solo album?] while Donnie Wahlberg turned to acting [but acting turned him away] and Jonathan Knight became a real estate developer [and was so successful at it he went back to boy-banding?]."

Truth be told, I admit to having a wall plastered with their pinups...in 1989...when I was 13. Jonathan was my favorite. Later, I found out that he and Tiffany dated for a while (the original Britney and Justin?) which made Tiffany a little better and Jon a little worse in my eyes. But I got into and over all of it in the span of about 3 months (in time for my 14th birthday). How's that for quintessential boy-band fandom? I will also say that Jonathan continues to be my favorite if only because he's the only one who appears to have been gainfully employed in the last 15 years.

So...back to the title of this post. They aren't new and they aren't kids. Which makes them Old Men on the Block. And where I come from (a land of heavy Law & Order viewing), those are called pedophiles (see aforementioned lyric).

Okay, maybe not that far, but at least creepy and sad

...like Bret Michaels.

Music Monday 4.28.08

The Formative Years Series

A word about intent:

I had originally intended to make this a playlist of "forgotten classics" but at some point it just seemed like The Ladies (Janet, Whitney, Madonna, and to a lesser extent, Debbie, Tiffany, and Paula) could not be left out. Of course, once I made that exception, there was no way I could exclude the MJ.

I also want to mention that when "Tell it to My Heart" came out, Taylor Dayne kinda gave me the creeps, but I have (mostly) gotten over that.

The locker rooms at Sullivan Middle School -- Fairfield, CA.

Junior High, Vol 1.: R&B/Dance (1987-1989)

Looking for a New Love
Jody Watley

Girlfriend
Pebbles

What Have You Done for Me Lately?
Janet Jackson

Cold Hearted
Paula Abdul

My Prerogative
Bobby Brown

Every Little Step
Bobby Brown

Monkey
George Michael

Lost in Emotion
Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam

Crush On You
The Jets

Rhythm of the Night
DeBarge

Shake Your Love
Debbie Gibson

I Think We're Alone Now
Tiffany

Tell It to My Heart
Taylor Dayne

So Emotional
Whitney Houston

Point of No Return
Expose'

Open Your Heart
Madonna

Smooth Criminal
Michael Jackson

In the Interest of Full Disclosure

Okay, okay. I give.

My friends from California e-mailed to set the record straight on the whole Jermaine Stewart debacle:

"Krissy,
I don't know what the bet was, but I absolutely remember that song. Ana asked me about the "don't take our clothes off" song this morning and I was able to remember it and sing the chorus right away. What I didn't know until I saw the video just now is that the song was done by a male. The voice pitch and lyrics all seem like a woman's singing. And seriously, what kind of man drinks cherry wine and tries to talk a woman out of stripping???
- Scott"

"Krissy-
Last night when you called, I couldn't remember this song, but this morning in the shower I started singing it out of the blue and remembered it quite well. I have a terrible memory and can't say when I first heard it but I remember hearing it in junior high (TX) and maybe even freshman year (FHS). What was the bet about?
Ana"

Dang.

I. Am. Qualified!

Long story short:
1. As soon as I sat down they told me my written portion was a "strong pass" -- woot!
2. The session was planned for two hours; I was done in 30 minutes -- woot woot!

Apparently it was all in my head. But seriously, last night I finally worked up the courage to look at what I wrote. It was shockingly coherent and not at all reflective of the chaotic turmoil I experienced while writing it.

Go figure.

And now...back to the grindstone.

I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It.

I just hope I can talk my way back into the program during the oral portion.