Rubber? Meet Road

School starts tomorrow, but my big news of the day is that I have discovered the glorious wonder that is Ultimate Frisbee. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! A handful of faculty and students from the department as well as a whole bunch of other non-departmental peeps play three times a week. And now, me too!

I played for the first time on Saturday afternoon, which Kicked. My. Butt. And I loved every minute of it!

Ultimate is basically everything I loved about playing soccer and basketball as a kid, only I am slightly better at catching and wingin' a disc than a ball. In other words, I get to bring my sprinting back, which was the reason I was any good to a team back then -- I could always get to the ball first and give it to someone who would do something useful with it, like score. WOO HOO! Plus, what's not to love about team sports?

The best is that it meshes beautifully with my marathon training plan. (I've switched over to a 15-week plan since my grief over losing Dinah sort of prevented me from making a real start on my previous plan.) The boring intervals on the track have been replaced with ULTIMATE! *singing* Plus, getting to actually _sprint_ again is going to get me ready for the Pewterman Pentathlon in November. But GOOD GRIEF I am Slow-Ass-Slow right now.

So...I'm about to begin Week Two of my marathon training -- last week felt great to get back out there. I love the roads I get to run on -- excellent for contemplation. I've got a 7-mile run this evening to round out Week One; class and Ultimate tomorrow.

I feel content, optimistic, and happy.

A Sunny Place at the Top

A week ago today, I spread some of Dinah's ashes at the summit of Bear Peak outside Boulder, CO. (It's the pointy peak on the left -- elevation 8461 feet.)

She always liked laying in the sun, and on this peak she will have plenty of sun and a gorgeous 360-degree view. And she'll apparently have visitors year-round!

I have to say, this was a TOUGH hike. Climbing 3000 feet in 3.5 miles was made worse by by the utter lack of oxygen (I've been at 650 feet for the last eight weeks). Good grief!

So I cried when I got to the top, and I'm not sure if I was crying from exhaustion or for Dinah -- I'm sure it was a little of both. We spent about an hour at the top for lunch and a brief memorial.

Of course, going up was the "easy" part. My legs trembled the entire way down. I worried that my legs would buckle and I'd take a nasty fall. Happily (though "luckily" is probably more accurate), I made it back and even managed to _run_ (wha-!?!) the last two minutes to the car to make it back before 3:00.

So I'm back safe and sound, though I managed to fall into a little pit of despair these last couple days. I made it through Monday and Tuesday without crying for Dinah (two whole days out of the last three weeks), and then fell off the wagon yesterday and today. I know it's been almost three weeks, but I just miss her so much and sometimes the reality that she's gone hits me like a truck. I guess the comeback trail is kinda bumpy.

Anyway, school starts on Monday and I already have 400 pages to read BEFORE then (wtf?). I'm hoping the outrageous workload will help pull me forward through this lingering grief. I also hope it will return my inner blogger so I can post something interesting soon. I'll try to get back to commenting, too.

A Trip to the M.D.

I spent Sunday afternoon in Matt Damon therapy (aka: Bourne Ultimatum). It must've worked, because I managed to go for a 20-minute run last night. It felt good to get out, get moving. I'm a week behind on the marathon plan, but since it has a three-week taper, I'll just cut one and do the rest from the beginning.

Yesterday, Rocky was out on the deck while I mowed the lawn...and talked to him out loud about Dinah. My neighbors must think I'm nuts. In just under six weeks, I've become The Crazy Dog Lady of the trailer park.

Tomorrow, I'm headed to Colorado to spread some of Dinah's ashes with the person who gave her to me. I think it will bring some much-needed closure, but mostly I am looking forward to getting a hug from someone who knows me -- and knew her.

So, I'm still going to be spotty on blogging/commenting...I hope to be back to full power next week.

All I Can Muster

After all this crying, I've gotten myself pretty dehydrated and I've only taken up eating again in the last couple days. I lost 5 pounds this week -- a diet I DO NOT recommend to anyone. Ever.

So this is what I'm working on this weekend -- refueling and rehydrating. I've already gained a pound back! (Who would've thought I'd be celebrating THAT?) I'd really like to be able to go for a run, but after cramping up on a simple walk with my other dogs yesterday, I know that I need to get my cells back in order first.

SO...all I've got for blogging right now is a new song. It makes me want to dance, while I'm still thinking about my baby girl.

How Much for a Great Big Thank You?

My goodness...where to begin? I have received so much caring and compassion these last few days -- words fail me. I am so amazed by the power of the bonds I have made from what started out as a "fun little blog." I knew it would be a source of support for tri stuff...but who knew how incredibly vital it would be at a time of such personal need?

As you can see from the clip (big ups to Mary Beth and Leah for sending it), I am beginning (with the babiest steps) to re-emerge. This is because of all of you. Today I had an incredible conversation with Megan who, frankly, gave me some free therapy, but more importantly gave of herself to help me bear my burden. She was able to help me make sense of and acknowledge just how much is connected with Dinah's death. I am so grateful to have connected with someone who is walking a similar path -- no accident, I'm sure.

I also have to say a special thanks to Wendy. She has experienced similar losses recently, and when I reached out, she reached right back.

Of course, you all know what a big heart Duane has. He and his family have been sending love my way even before I signaled my need.

Last, but not least, to everyone else who cried with me, made me laugh, or just let me know they were there...my heart overflows. You have refilled my tanks full enough to pay it forward, and I will absolutely pay it back, should the need arise.

At first glance, it seemed I was all alone to deal with this loss. How very, very wrong I was.

A Tag and a Tune

I've been tagged by Andra (THANK YOU for giving me something to do besides cry.)

But before I get to that I want to thank everyone I've heard from with words of compassion and support. Being all alone out here, these human connections mean so much -- more than I could have ever dreamed and more than you will probably ever comprehend.

Some friends she left behind, who are comforting me.

One thing that I've been finding helpful is to be able to talk about Dinah. I won't do too much of that here, but I wanted to share just one thing with all of you, and that is today's song. It's called "Dinah" by Thelonious Monk, and it is the song she was named for. It so perfectly captures her little personality and they way she would prance and trot around. The end of the song is particularly moving (and I sort of anticipated when I used it to name her that it would signify this goodbye). If you listen all the way to the end, you can hear her little spirit take flight and wink at you.

Well, here's my tag-a-docious:

Jobs I’ve Held
Movie theater concessions
Sales associate at San Francisco Music Box Co
Colorguard instructor
Summer camp director
White House staffer
Public Information Officer
Community college instructor

Movies I Can Watch Over & Over
Dirty Dancing
Tommy Boy
Forrest GumpMy Guilty Pleasures
Bacon
Falling asleep on the sofa
Reality TV

Places I Have Lived (in order)
Benicia, CA (x2)
Antioch, CA (x2)
Visalia, CA
Fairfield, CA
Suisun City, CA
Rohnert Park, CA
Northridge, CA
Las Cruces, NM (x2)
Washington, DC
Seattle, WA
Olympia, WA
Iowa City, IA

Shows I Enjoy
Top Chef
The Daily Show / The Colbert Report
America’s Next Producer
On the Lot
E! True Hollywood anything
Project Runway
My Life on the D-List
Design Star
The Directors
The Simpsons
Dr. Katz
Sex and the City


Places I Have Been on Vacation
The Philippines
Houston, TX-New Orleans-Biloxi road trip
Hawaii
Many places in New Mexico and California
Las Vegas, NV
Kansas-Iowa-Nebraska-Missouri road trip
New York, NY
Portland, OR

Favorite Foods
Anything with cheese, bacon, garlic, butter – stuff that will kill me
Sushi
Avocado smoothies (better than they sound)
Berry smoothies

Websites I Visit Daily
My tri-blogger peeps
Hotmail (ha!)
…And now, my Dinah (I created a private blog for when I need to talk to her)

Body Parts I Have Injured
Torn right hamstring from a botched cheerleading stunt in college
Separated right shoulder mountain biking
Many sprained fingers from basketball and colorguard

Awards You’ve Won
A couple leadership awards
Unity award
Three-time “Miss Supersensational” at colorguard camp (is that a hilarious title, or what?)
Dean’s fellowship at UI
A shoebox full of track and field ribbons and medals from childhood
Dean’s list/honor society stuff

Nicknames You’ve Been Called
Krissy (my full name is Kristina)
Some “honey” terms with varying degrees of jest

Pick 5 Other Bloggers (sorry peeps, gotta share the wealth)
00badness
Megan
Duane
Winz
Tea

I'll Miss You, Little Girl

Dinah

(2004-2007)

I feel so much sorrow right now, I can barely type. I love this little dog and I'm going to miss her so much. She had a long weekend of seizures with no recovery...and I finally had to make the most impossible decision I've ever had to make.