Felicity Part Two

Sprouts in my front yard. They emerged after harsh times, and so can I.

So the "Four Things" meme is going around on Facebook at the moment, and one of the items is "List four places you'd rather be right now."

And for all my bitching and moaning as of late...there isn't another place I'd rather be.

So I left it blank. All four slots.

I have a feeling this PhD will turn out like my first Ironman: long and painful, but I was happy to be there and smiled almost the entire time.

Felicity, indeed.

A *New* New Leaf

*rubs eyes*

Who turned on the lights?

Maybe it's because I've been watching too much Intervention, but after the hellish week I had last week (in which I worked my ass off and still turned in one steaming pile of crap after another) and a generally underwhelming embarrassing semester altogether, something's gotta give.

I remember when I used to be good at things. Like, really good at things. And I used to LOVE school. And I used to blog regularly. What the hell happened?

I honestly don't know. But here's what I'm going to do about it:

Endorphin therapy.

Now that the 140.6 monkey is off my back, I'm going to work my way back up from the shorter distances and get faster. Some call it "training." I call it "what you're supposed to do instead of showing up on race day, undertrained, and hoping for the best."

But really, I'm in it for the side-effects: more energy and ability to focus. I think that'll fix a lot of other stuff that's been dragging in my life.

Stay tuned!

No Free Passes Between Gutsy Broads

Yes, this is LOOONG overdue. No excuses besides simply not being in a writing mood. *shrugs* What can I say? It's been a whirlwind month.

In Part Two of the Multi-Sport Athlete Exchange Program (Part One: Dam-to-Dam), Danielle came out to the east side of Iowa and joined me for the Lake Geode Challenge.

It should be obvious by now that recounting the minutiae of race day kinda bores me, and during this race I decided on a truncated form for race reports. HOWEVER, this particular day wound up being one of those turning-point kinds of races, so I actually have something to say about this one.

It was my first tri of the season (I couldn't get to the QC tri for the flood) and the first day back from strep. I was going to treat it like a long training day (I was only looking to finish somewhere close to my average paces without being too miserable and/or collapsing).

And then late on Mile 5 of the 10K run, I entered the race.

The Lake Geode run course is mercilessly hilly. I unapologetically walked all the hills -- until the approach to the Mile 6 sign. Here, I heard the footsteps of the two women approaching. I said to myself, "No free passes," and started to run again. They eventually passed me, but I kept them within reach.

I re-passed them as we approached the finish chute. And then, inexplicably, this gutsy broad re-re-passed in a dead sprint, and of course I gave chase! In the end, I ran out of pavement and lost 2nd place in our age group by one foot.

The irony is that she and I were easily 8th and 9th from last in this race overall. I had no illusions about where we were in the pack, and figured placing/hardware was out of the question. But, dammit, neither one of us was going to let the other get a "free pass" especially not that close to the finish line. And even though I "lost," I am so grateful to that woman -- that gutsy broad -- who made me dig deep and enter that race, if even for the last moments, because she lit a fire in me that I had almost forgotten about. We high-fived on the other side of the line as I gave her heartfelt congratulations. Forget Inner Ass-Kicker, she helped me rediscover my own Inner Gutsy Broad -- who is way tougher, hands down.

When I got home I watched this clip a few times, reveling in my renewed competitive, yet appreciative spirit and shed a few tears of recognition at the final voiceover:



To be clear, I don't put myself on the same level as these elite athletes, but stripped down to the least common denominator, their moment was our moment writ large. For me, this drive is part of what makes me an athlete. Yes, triathlon is sometimes about going the distance, other times about the competition, but at its best about digging deeper after you thought you had nothing left.

So thank you, Stephanie May of Somewhere in Iowa for making me dig deep that day and energizing my inner athlete. But thanks especially for helping me re-discover my Inner Gutsy Broad, who admires yours...and is hot on your heels! :D

I. Am. Qualified!

Long story short:
1. As soon as I sat down they told me my written portion was a "strong pass" -- woot!
2. The session was planned for two hours; I was done in 30 minutes -- woot woot!

Apparently it was all in my head. But seriously, last night I finally worked up the courage to look at what I wrote. It was shockingly coherent and not at all reflective of the chaotic turmoil I experienced while writing it.

Go figure.

And now...back to the grindstone.

And Then There Was One

Okay, so no music this week, but I figure y'all will cut me some slack. I've got a playlist bouncing around in my head, so keep your eyes peeled next Monday.

I'm still a little raw from losing Boots. The tears come sporadically, but with intensity. We had a thunderstorm the other night that I'm sure she was happy to miss. Rocky and I both miss her -- though I think Rocky finds being the only dog a bittersweet experience. He gets all my attention when I'm home, but has to endure my class time on his own. (He is noticeably happier when I come through the door these days.)

Let's see...training. Oy. I started over again yesterday (T-minus six months). I kinda fell off the wagon when school started. It's okay so far. Nothing terribly noteworthy. Just trying to keep it all together.

First Post-26.2 Run Attempt

(not counting a failed attempt to catch my bus on Wednesday)

I lasted a whopping four non-consecutive minutes. Walked the rest of the half-hour.

I. HATE. THE. TREADMILL.

Body felt fine...soul couldn't take it.

Seriously...

Will someone please turn off winter?

Oops! I Clicked it Again

I'm 500 bones lighter, but all registered up for:

The Hunt. Is. On.

8.31.08

What's Better Than Ultimate?

Ultimate in the RAIN!!! Which is what I just finished doing. Okay, it only rained for a little bit, but it rained hard and we were all soaked the whole time. Bliss.

School's started and is already telling me what's what -- I don't even have time to watch my beloved trash TV! So I don't have anything earth-shaking to report besides the fact that marathon training is coming along nicely. Week 3 is well underway.

See? Not a juicy post.

Oh wait. Here's one thing: I've lost 11 pounds since I got here. "Just" 30 more to go.

Must. Strength. Train.

Rubber? Meet Road

School starts tomorrow, but my big news of the day is that I have discovered the glorious wonder that is Ultimate Frisbee. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! A handful of faculty and students from the department as well as a whole bunch of other non-departmental peeps play three times a week. And now, me too!

I played for the first time on Saturday afternoon, which Kicked. My. Butt. And I loved every minute of it!

Ultimate is basically everything I loved about playing soccer and basketball as a kid, only I am slightly better at catching and wingin' a disc than a ball. In other words, I get to bring my sprinting back, which was the reason I was any good to a team back then -- I could always get to the ball first and give it to someone who would do something useful with it, like score. WOO HOO! Plus, what's not to love about team sports?

The best is that it meshes beautifully with my marathon training plan. (I've switched over to a 15-week plan since my grief over losing Dinah sort of prevented me from making a real start on my previous plan.) The boring intervals on the track have been replaced with ULTIMATE! *singing* Plus, getting to actually _sprint_ again is going to get me ready for the Pewterman Pentathlon in November. But GOOD GRIEF I am Slow-Ass-Slow right now.

So...I'm about to begin Week Two of my marathon training -- last week felt great to get back out there. I love the roads I get to run on -- excellent for contemplation. I've got a 7-mile run this evening to round out Week One; class and Ultimate tomorrow.

I feel content, optimistic, and happy.

A Sunny Place at the Top

A week ago today, I spread some of Dinah's ashes at the summit of Bear Peak outside Boulder, CO. (It's the pointy peak on the left -- elevation 8461 feet.)

She always liked laying in the sun, and on this peak she will have plenty of sun and a gorgeous 360-degree view. And she'll apparently have visitors year-round!

I have to say, this was a TOUGH hike. Climbing 3000 feet in 3.5 miles was made worse by by the utter lack of oxygen (I've been at 650 feet for the last eight weeks). Good grief!

So I cried when I got to the top, and I'm not sure if I was crying from exhaustion or for Dinah -- I'm sure it was a little of both. We spent about an hour at the top for lunch and a brief memorial.

Of course, going up was the "easy" part. My legs trembled the entire way down. I worried that my legs would buckle and I'd take a nasty fall. Happily (though "luckily" is probably more accurate), I made it back and even managed to _run_ (wha-!?!) the last two minutes to the car to make it back before 3:00.

So I'm back safe and sound, though I managed to fall into a little pit of despair these last couple days. I made it through Monday and Tuesday without crying for Dinah (two whole days out of the last three weeks), and then fell off the wagon yesterday and today. I know it's been almost three weeks, but I just miss her so much and sometimes the reality that she's gone hits me like a truck. I guess the comeback trail is kinda bumpy.

Anyway, school starts on Monday and I already have 400 pages to read BEFORE then (wtf?). I'm hoping the outrageous workload will help pull me forward through this lingering grief. I also hope it will return my inner blogger so I can post something interesting soon. I'll try to get back to commenting, too.

A Trip to the M.D.

I spent Sunday afternoon in Matt Damon therapy (aka: Bourne Ultimatum). It must've worked, because I managed to go for a 20-minute run last night. It felt good to get out, get moving. I'm a week behind on the marathon plan, but since it has a three-week taper, I'll just cut one and do the rest from the beginning.

Yesterday, Rocky was out on the deck while I mowed the lawn...and talked to him out loud about Dinah. My neighbors must think I'm nuts. In just under six weeks, I've become The Crazy Dog Lady of the trailer park.

Tomorrow, I'm headed to Colorado to spread some of Dinah's ashes with the person who gave her to me. I think it will bring some much-needed closure, but mostly I am looking forward to getting a hug from someone who knows me -- and knew her.

So, I'm still going to be spotty on blogging/commenting...I hope to be back to full power next week.

All I Can Muster

After all this crying, I've gotten myself pretty dehydrated and I've only taken up eating again in the last couple days. I lost 5 pounds this week -- a diet I DO NOT recommend to anyone. Ever.

So this is what I'm working on this weekend -- refueling and rehydrating. I've already gained a pound back! (Who would've thought I'd be celebrating THAT?) I'd really like to be able to go for a run, but after cramping up on a simple walk with my other dogs yesterday, I know that I need to get my cells back in order first.

SO...all I've got for blogging right now is a new song. It makes me want to dance, while I'm still thinking about my baby girl.