Creature of Habit

On Tuesday, Rocky went nuts-O as I pulled on my jeans to go to class. Kinda cute at first, and then I had a moment of unfortunate self-discovery: I have managed to classically condition my dog to recognize that pants = leaving; no pants = home.

Of course, this wasn't much of a surprise. I have known for a long time that as soon as I come through the door, I shed clothes with the intensity of a Husky's fur in June, with shoes and belt being the first to go. (When I worked in DC, it was pantyhose.) This is not to say that these items would be left by the front door. On the contrary, many mornings, then and now, have been spent trying to track down said items because the night before, I would come home, get caught up doing something, realize I'd be much more comfortable without the belt/pantyhose/socks/pants, remove the offending item(s) and leave them right where I took them off. Of course, when I needed to put them on again (usually as I was running late for work or school the next day), I could never remember where I left them and would spend a few frantic minutes scrambling around the house trying to locate them.

Last week, I reached a new low of losing my favorite bra for a couple days. It turned up in my workout room (which says a lot about how much time I spend in there). My scanner is in that room, and I took the thing off while I was scanning a chapter to post online for a class I teach. (Really, nothing sucks the joy out of scanning documents like a harness of female oppression.)

Further evidence of my mindlessness in the home was the time I lost the TV remote in the refrigerator for a day. I went to the fridge with the remote in one hand and opened the door with the other. Needing a free hand to grab the grub, I simply put the remote down on the shelf rather than letting go of the door.

Oy.

Anyway, sometime between last fall and this month, my chronic belt-losing (usual suspect/locations: kitchen table, end table, computer room, master bathroom) evolved into pants-losing (usual locations: guest bathroom, under the coffee table). Since school started up again, my pants tend to be under the coffee table most.

Socks never used to present the same kind of problem because (a) I have lots of them, and (b) I tend to leave them in the exact same place: under my computer desk. When I run out of socks, I go fish them out from among the cords and wires and throw them in the wash. This, too has changed. I've begun finding them smashed between/under the couch cushions. Why? Because I sleep on the couch most nights and kick my socks off while snuggled under my blankie.

As if being a whirling dervish of clothes shedding weren't bad enough, Rocky's response to my putting on of pants alerted me to the concentration of shed clothing in and around the couch. This, coupled with the multi-day abandonment of my bra in the workout room is just a little too much for me to accept.

In my defense, in lieu of exercise and online activity, I have been super gung-ho about school for the first time since, well, undergrad (this is a HUGE deal).

Read: There is still a chance that I'm not a total loser, right? RIGHT?!?!

In Iowa the Sun Means Nothing

WHY is it 3 below right now?!!

When I said winter broke me, what I meant was it froze my pipes. That's right. I showered at the rec center on Monday and Tuesday and made a couple late night trips to the 24-hour grocery to go pee in the middle of the night.

Un-friggin'-believable.

$260 bones and an hour of pipe heating later, I am not as in love with Iowa as I once was. And who's to say they're not going to just freeze right back up? IT'S -3!!!

Until we get back to reasonable temperatures (which is the high 20s/low 30s to me these days--egads, what's become of me?!), I will be nervous that my next trip to the loo will be disastrous.

Asparagus, Part 2

Well, I was half right.

Unfortunately, it was not the fun half.

It turns out that plant in my yard IS really big asparagus:

Desert Agave

Scientific classification
Kingdom: Plantae
Division: Magnoliophyta
Class: Liliopsida
Order: Asparagales
Family: Agavaceae
Genus: Agave
Species: A. deserti

It is not the source of tequila. THAT plant is appropriately called 'agave tequiliana.' But if I act now, I can still harvest sap from this one and make mezcal...if only I had a pot large enough to boil it in.

Anyone Got A Bridge For Sale?

Well, I did it. I purchased a mobile home in Iowa. Yes, I bought a non-permanent dwelling in Tornado Alley.

I ran the numbers on rent+pet fees over the four years, and $32K for rent compared to $18K for this place -- which I could sell later -- seemed like a no-brainer.

And to soothe your concerns about tornadoes (okay, MINE), you see that sidewalk in the photo that runs down the back of my place? It leads to the storm shelter. I dunno...I like adventure. I guess the tornado angle is my way of injecting some risk into an otherwise responsible life choice (going back to school, etc.).

I guess you could say it's more like a Fisher Price My-First-Home. The park that it's in takes care of the lawn, SNOW REMOVAL (a super bonus for my winter-averse California-come-New Mexico roots), water and trash. PLUS, I get free cable. Ahh...the joys of ownership with the responsibilities of apartment living. Perfect-O.

So there it is. I have embraced my inner yokel. Join me next time, when you can hear me say:

Cletus, git yer dawg off the shed!